User blog:Charlie the Penguin/hacks.doc
Sasquatch finally learns his lesson ...sort of. Sasquatch awakes in the dark EPF interrogation chamber. He finds himself being watched by Charlie and Gary. Sasquatch: GEEZ! *coughs* Wat dis all 'bout?! Gary: *presses button on TV, causing Aunt Arctic to appear* Aunt Arctic: *appears on screen* You sir have got a lot of explaining to do. Charlie: Uh, Director? Aunt Arctic: What? Gary: We can see you. Aunt Arctic: *looks down* Crud! *picks up bucket of black paint and dumps it over self* There we g- I mean... *talks in director voice* There we go. Sasquatch: I always wonders Director, who is youz? Director: My identity is a secret. Gary: *facepalm* Sasquatch: Seriousliez, wat I doin' in dis place? Director: We know all about how you stole the Thunder Blade, killed Agent Charlie's puffle, and kidnapped half of Aunt Arctic's pookies, Mr. Quatch. Sasquatch: Wat makez u think dat?! Charlie: Well, for one thing Rookie witnessed you capture Wingman and we reviewed his spyphone's security footage. Sasquatch: Okayz so maybez I steal teh Blunder Thade. Big dealz. But wat makez u guyz think dat I abducted Director's pookies? Director: Dang it... Gary: There was a reported sound of a baby crying coming from your forest cave. Assistant Droid: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAI- Charlie: *eats* Sasquatch: Yea but teh crying was coming from ur mom. Gary: Excuse me?! Sasquatch: Yea she was in mah cave last night and we was habing a sleepover *puts on shades* except we wasn't sleepin'. YEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH Charlie: *grabs Sasquatch by the neck and pulls him up close* Regardless of Aunt Arctic's kidnapped slav- I mean pookies, you still purposely killed my puffle. Sasquatch: Wat do u care, Charliez, he come to life right after and beat teh krap outta meh! Charlie: But why would you even want to kill a puffle in the first place?! Sasquatch: Hay, I spent lotsa mah spare timez warning people to stay outta mah cave, but he no listen to meh! Gary: And so you killed him?! Sasquatch: ...Okayz, my argument sounded a lot better in mah head... Charlie: Why would you even want anyone to stay out of your cave? Sasquatch: Erm... becuz I dun lik unannounced company? Director: Would it be because of this?! *a picture of Sasquatch's pile of mascot corpses as well as his stuffed Sensei corpse appears on screen* Sasquatch: ... Gary: The question becomes how on earth you did all this. Charlie: How'd you manage to swipe the Thunder Blade, kill all those mascots, and capture Wingman?! Sasquatch: I never tell u! U can't make meh! Director: G, lock him up. Agent Charlie, investigate the cave. Bring all bodies to me. Charlie: O.O Okay... Gary grabs Sasquatch by his handcuffed arms and drags him towards the prison cells. Sasquatch: Wait! Dun I get phone call or sumting?! In Sasquatch's cave... Charlie: *stares at Wingman's halved corpse, now beginning to disintegrate* Ugh... *pulls out spyphone and scans coding of the pile of mascot corpses* Aha... Wingman: *hops in* Hey Charlie, I was just going t- *sees corpse* Holy crap... is that me...? Charlie: Yeah, weird how it hasn't decomposed or anything already after six whole episodes, eight counting the birthday special and the Halloween special. So what were you going to tell me? Wingman: ...That the vet just diagnosed me with a deathly case of Necrophobia. *vomits* In Gary's Lab... Director: *on screen* Where is Agent Charlie, he should be back here by now? Gary: He had to go home because he was suffering from Emetophobia. Director: Did he at least deliver the bodies and his scan information to you? Gary: Uh... yes, he did. Not sure why you wanted to know that...He found readings of the Penguin Storm cheating program, which he used to to give himself the ability to teleport people to him as well as to obtain the Thunder Blade and give it the power to actually kill people. Director: Ah, a Hacksquatch is he? It looks to me like he will be here a while. Gary: Uh, Director? Director: What? Gary: I can see your "CEO of the Penguin Times" nameplate on your desk. Director: *throws desk out the window* That better? Offscreen Noob: Hey, what's the director doing in Aunt Arctic's chair? Director: *sigh* Well, G, we failed. *pulls out an axe and disconnects transmission* Author's Note: Well, derp.doc never got enough comments, but I released this anyway because I'm nice. However, that was a one-time thing. The next episode, shock.doc will be released if and only if I get three comments, each by different people on this blog post telling me what their favorite part is. And don't just choose random parts either. Your opinions mean something to me and if people like certain jokes I'll be sure to include more like them in future episodes. Thanks for reading, and *sings* BE PREPARED!!! -Charlie the Penguin: Don't just do something, stand there! 17:57, November 1, 2014 (UTC) Category:Blog posts